Scary Stories Incorporated
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: Dedicated to Chained and Tortured:The YGO gang are locked in the basement of Yuugi’s and have nothing to do but tell “scary” stories. Humor! Slight Jou and Shizuka bashing


DIS: (sweat drop) Well, since I accidentally insulted one of my very good friends, Chained and Torchered, I decided to dedicate a fic to her! (pause) This one! So, read below and enjoy! Especially you, Chained and Torchered!

X

_Title: Scary Stories Incorporated_

_Genre: Humor_

_Rating: M for language_

_Summary: The YGO gang are locked in the basement of Yuugi's and have nothing to do but tell "scary" stories. Humor! Slight Jou and Shizuka bashing_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh or a couple of these stories, when I think about it. But most are mine! BWAHAHAHA! – so don't take 'em without asking!_

_Notes/Warnings: First, I know the title sucks, but no matter what you think – YOU CAN'T SUE ME FOR IT! HAHAHAHA! Ahem, and also this is dedicated to Chained and Torchered, as I've already said._

X

Click.

Everyone halted, hearing the click behind them. Did Grandpa trick them?

"Uh, Grandpa, I don't see any stacks of money or strippers down here..." Jou told the old man.

(cackle!)

(oO)

"HAHAHAHAHA, THAT'S COS THERE ISN'T ANY! BWAHAHAHA!" Silence. "I'm off to play Bingo, hehehe..."

"(OO) BINGO? WAIT!" Yami threw himself at the door, clawing at it. "YOU SICK MAN!"

"Sick man?" Honda and Otogi repeated, glancing at each other, inching away from Yami. Suddenly, the light bulb burned out.

"My brother is the best!" Someone said from the darkness.

(-.-)

"All right, everyone calm down! I am Pharaoh, therefore, you can bow down and kiss my feet. Do that and I'll help you."

"You're not Pharaoh, muffin brains!"

"Don't insult my mind, you – you – you cookie monster!"

"Oh yeah? CRANBERRY HEAD!"

"(gasp!) How dare you! My head is in perfect proportion to the rest of my body."

"SO?"

"Ooh, you wanna dance? LET'S DANCE!"

"I don't wanna dance with you – wait, who am I talking to anyway? WHERE ARE YOU? I'LL BLOW YOU BACK TO – Er...AFRICA! AMERICA! BRITAIN!"

"My brother always comes to my side!" That same someone who all of us actually know who it is, chirped at that moment.

"My brother's better!"

"Nuh-uh, my brother saves me!"

"So does my brother!"

"SHUT UP!"

"You shut up!" Someone else said.

"Make me...Tomb Robber, was that you?"

"Does anyone have a lighter?" Another person piped up.

Silence.

"I stopped smoking when I found out it gave me lung cancer," another muttered embarrassedly.

"Hey! Did you guys hear that? Someone in here use to smoke!"

"Is that you, mutt?"

"Dat wasn't me, Kaiba!"

"I'm not Kaiba, you moronic fool! AND DON'T EVER MISTAKE ME FOR THE EGOTISCAL BASTARD!"

"What was that? Who the hell said that!"

"Big brother!" Both people who are obsessed with their brothers gasped.

"Yuugi? Yuugi, where are you? I need to discuss some important matters with you!"

"Er...Chaps, I really think we need – "

"I know that's you, abiou, so shut up!"

"(OO) I'm not Malik."

"Oh...WHERE ARE YOU MALIK?"

"OW! That was my ear!"

"Yeah? I don't give a damn! By the way, ever hear of a bra?"

"WHAT? I DON'T WEAR BRAS!"

"Exactly my point."

"Dude, I'm a _man_!"

"(oO) What do you mean, you're a man?"

"I MEAN I DON'T HAVE A YAYA!"

"Yaya?" Almost everyone repeated.

"Ah ha!" Someone lit a candle and everyone looked around, before staring at Honda.

"What?" He asked, blinking.

"Why do have a mop on your head?" Otogi asked, looking disgusted.

"WHAT?" He jerked the mop off his head and Jou blinked.

"Sorry bout dat," the blonde apologized.

"JOU!"

"What? I said I was sorry! Geez, man, do ya gotta be so hypocritical?"

"You don't even know what that means," Kaiba sniffed, glowering at Jou.

"Sure I do."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"What?"

"Like...two-faced, ya know?"

"...And how is that wanna-be duelist over there being hypocritical." Honda was about to open his mouth, but Jou interrupted him.

"He was nice to me yesterday, ya know, and then today he was being mean." Jou sniffed after he spoke, rubbing his eyes and gave everyone huge, watery puppy dog eyes. Kaiba looked disgusted, so he slapped him over the head.

"Stop being a moron, you moron."

"By da way, who called me a mutt in da dark?"

"That would be me," Bakura told him without a hint of shame. Jou stared at him for a long time, as though trying to decide whether or not to hurt him.

"All right, den, let's duel, cowboy!"

Slam!

"Oh my God, big brother!" Shizuka screeched in horror and went to Jou, who had been punched by Bakura.

"I'd say good job," Kaiba told Bakura, "but you're a freak, therefore..." he trailed off meaningfully.

"I dink my nose is broken..." Jou muttered.

"Let me see," Otogi said, going over to him and leaning over and –

Chomp.

"OW! AWW! HELP, CANNIBAL! CANNIBAL!" Jou shrieked, his hands over his nose protectively after Otogi had bit his nose. "AND WHY DA HELL DID YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE ON MY NOSE FOR!"

"I thought it would work better to find out whether you had a broken nose or not," Otogi told him casually, shrugging.

"Er..." The others glanced at each other.

"All right, let's do something until Grandpa gets back," Anzu suggested. "Like.. tell scary stories."

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me, pick me!" Yami held up his hand, waving it rapidly. Anzu blinked.

"Um, all right..."

"Okay..."

Yami's Scary Story 

_It was a day like any other. Well, actually it wasn't like every other, because people had something different to eat and had something different to wear – unless their really poor and they're in the same clothes_ ("Just get on with it, Pharaoh!" Malik snapped) _Right, right, as I was saying, it was a day like any other for the ugly man. He was depressed because he was a loser! L-O-S-E-R! Yes, this brunette SUCKS at dueling! _("Are you talking about me?" Honda whined) _NO, you idiot! Ahem, as I WAS SAYING! _

_It was raining as the tall brunette walked down the street, moping because he sucked._

"_Excuse me?" An old lady asked. "Do you have any spare change?"_

"_I do, but I won't give it to you, because I'm a conceited ass and I care about no one else but me. That is how my brain works, because you see, I don't actually have a brain, but a mini computer where my brain once was, meaning that I am a machine and that means that I am actually dumb, and not smart!"_

"_AII!" The lady ran off. Hahaha! Good, you stupid old hag! No one wants you on the streets anyway. GET A JOB! Anyway..._

_The male walked down the street more and then crossed the road. Suddenly, a bus appeared and was coming straight at him! (gasp!) The machine in his head suddenly blew up, blowing his head up. It was because he was so full of himself that this happened. The bus driver (who, by the way is me, hehehe) stopped and laughed and pointed at the remainder of the body. HAHAHAHA, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!_

End 

(o.o)

"(-.-) Yami, are you trying to tell me something?" Kaiba asked, a vein twitching in his forehead. Yami just smiled at him.

"Just that one day I'm going to run you over with either a bulldozer or a bus," he told him.

"That wasn't scary, you pansy ass!" Bakura snapped. Yami snorted.

"Well let's see _you_ try and make up a story, Tomb Robber."

"Gladly."

Bakura's Scary Story 

_It was the day that the sexy Tomb Robber would be free! FREE, I TELL YOU, FREE! _(Everyone went, "(oO)...")

_The boy named Ryou had read a book, the idiot. Who would read a book? The things just make you lazy! Idiot abiou of mine! So, after reading this book, he went into the bathroom and turned the lights off, staring in the bathroom, breathing hard. Breathing hard gives you brain damage, did you know that? _

_He started to chant, "I do believe in Bloody Mary, I do believe in Bloody Mary." What moron would do that? Ra, he's so stupid sometimes..._

_Suddenly, a bloody, corpse – ish face (_"BAKURA!" Anzu snapped angrily at the description.) _All right, don't get your panties in a wrinkle. (_SLAP_!) Ow! Dammit! Ahem, like I was saying, Bloody Mary appeared in the mirror and grinned at Ryou – and then she raped him! BWAHAHAHA! About time he lost his virginity. Then she gobbled him up, piece by piece! Hehehehe, and then _I_ was left alone...FREE, FREE!_

End 

(A/N: Yes, I took that out of one of my stories)

Jou looked horrified, clinging to his sister, who was crying at the "scary" story. Ryou just sat on the couch, his jaw slack. Yuugi blinked rapidly, unsure of how to take the story.

"Look what you did, Bakura," Otogi and Honda scorned him. "You made poor Shizuka cry!"

"So? The bitch should die." Malik perked up at that.

"I have one, I have one!"

Malik's Scary Story 

_He was an idiot. One of the biggest ones and he was from the inferior race of DOG. The blonde hadn't been very popular, but his sister was, which made him angry. He had hid it, saying that it would rub off, that since he was the brother of the popular girl, people would like him more too. After all, he was a great duelist (not really, in fact, he sucks at it) and handsome, too (he wishes!) _

_Then, one night, a party went on. A party his sister had set up herself. His sister had invited everyone, even his own friends. Then, when he went downstairs, for he had been in his room, and joined the party, someone came to him and said his sister wanted to talk to him._

"_Yeah, sis?" He asked in that dumb tone of his. It's a surprise he's not in first grade._

"_Uh, listen, you weren't, er..._invited_, brother," she informed him with that spiteful attitude of hers. She's such a bitch! The whore deserves to die! DIE!_

"_But we're family, sis," he told her with a playful grin. Of course, seeing his sister's disgusted and serious expression, his smile dropped in realization. Hate and humiliation flared inside of him and he tightened his fists, his nails digging into his skin. "Fine." He went upstairs, his face red with anger and embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was acting all cool and his sister hadn't even _invited _him, even though he was her brother! _

_So, he decided to spy on her. Then he saw her go outside and he smirked, sneaking down into the basement where she was retrieving some liquor. He slammed the door intentionally, bending down and hiding. _

"_Hello?" She called, clutching the beer bottles. "Who's there? Is that you, brother? Come on, this isn't funny!" Isn't funny...Tsk, tsk, and _he_, her brother, was laughing under his breath. He flicked the lights off when she turned her back again. "Who is it? Show yourself!"_

"_It's just your bro," he hissed._

"_Oh," she sighed and closed the refrigerator door. "It's my _loser_ brother." Her insult encouraged his plans and he took the bat in his hand, slamming it against her skull. She collapsed, the beer bottles breaking. He chuckled and took her, pushing the garage door and throwing her up. A scream ripped from her throat..._

_End_

(OO)

(A/N: That, I think, is the only scary part in this fic)

"Nice story," Marik and Bakura applauded him. Anzu looked horrified.

"You weren't talking about yourself, were you, Malik?" Anzu asked.

"No, I was talking about those two," he nodded to Jou and Shizuka. Shizuka had suddenly shoved Jou away from her and was huddled in a corner, muttering deliriously under her breath. Malik smirked at her mutters. "Just the effect I wanted."

"...That was mean."

"I know."

"...But it turns me on, for some odd reason (o.o)"

"(oO) Well, that's very...nice."

"You had better not start anything in here," Kaiba growled warningly. "Not with my little brother in the room."

"Kaiba, do I look like a slut?" Anzu demanded.

"She really doesn't," Mai commented. "Oh, I have a story!"

Mai's Scary Story 

_I looked into my makeup bag and saw...NO MAKEUP._

End 

(X.X)

"That wasn't scary," Yami complained.

"Er, you guys? I think there's something wrong with Shizuka..." Otogi said as he and Honda knelt by her.

"She's being controlled by Satin!" Yuugi gasped, climbing onto Yami, clutching onto his yami's head. "Do something, Yami!"

"(o.o) She scares me, abiou," was all Yami said as Shizuka's head rolled back and drool dripped from her mouth. Marik whistled innocently, hiding the prescription drugs behind his back.

"So..." Marik cleared his throat. "I have a story."

Marik's Scary Story 

_It had sat there, watching him, seducing him with its stares. It wanted him to turn it on, but he refused to. The last time he did, he had seen the most horrifying thing in the world. It was staring at him again with those big, black, blank eyes. His finger twitched, then he growled, slamming his hands on the floor in anger. He would not do it! He would _not

_Then, he saw it. It was on the floor, also staring at him. He grabbed it, knowing he could no longer resist the charm. He pressed it and the other one came alive. He moved to it and shoved his face against it, mesmerized._

_It had happened again and no one could help him._

_End_

"(o.o) What the hell?" Yami muttered, swaying to and fro with his abiou on his head, sucking his thumb.

"That's not a story!" Malik snapped, then paused and glanced suspiciously at Anzu, who blinked, her fingers inches away from his hip.

"Uh...hi," she gave an innocent smile and sat back up. He blinked, and then turned back to his yami, watching the female out of the corner of his eye. He knew he should have been more careful with the seductive looks he gave her...

"You're just telling what happened a few days ago! And by the way, you have an appointment with the eye doctor tomorrow."

"I know," Marik responded easily.

"Why?" Anzu asked, all innocence as she scooted towards Malik, who gave Yami a look that said, _Help!_

_Dammit, I don't want to screw her in front of everyone! I prefer privacy for this! _Malik thought.

"Oh yeah," Bakura rubbed his chin. "I forgot about that. This idiot," he pointed at Marik, "was watching TV for a month straight without food or sleep and we had to pry him loose from the TV, because he had his face pressed against the screen. When did this other incident happen?"

"A week ago," Malik glared at his yami, who just gave a wide-eyed expression of guiltlessness. Malik rolled his eyes and when he turned his head, he was smothered by Anzu, who had hugged him.

"I said not in front of my brother!" Kaiba roared, smothering his brother so he couldn't see.

"Awesome, porn," Bakura commented, grinning. "Well, close enough."

Malik broke away, gasping for air, her lip-gloss on his mouth. He rubbed it off and Anzu giggled at his hard breathing.

"Marik...Get her off of me!"

"Why should I?"

"I HELPED YOU!"

"Don't you like me?" Anzu demanded. "After all, you were the one sending poems in my locker, giving me seductive looks and snatching kisses!"

(OO)

"WHAT?" Yami roared, standing up and falling back because of the weight of Yuugi. "YUUGI, GET OFF! I MUST CLAIM MY WOMAN!"

"HOW COME IT'S ALL ABOUT HER? OR IT'S ALL ABOUT KAIBA?" Yuugi howled in dejection.

"WHAT?" Kaiba shouted in horror and let go of Mokuba to confront Yami, which made Mokuba start wailing.

"Big brother, Malik's doing something to Anzu-chan!"

"Oh hell," Kaiba muttered. _I know where this is going to go..."Where do babies come from, Seto?" Great..._

"Go, Malik!" Bakura and Marik whooped. Suddenly Shizuka started to scream, scaring the hell out of Honda and Otogi.

_Wow, it's chaotic in here,_ Ryou remarked to himself, sitting on the couch, watching the scene play out.

X

Grandpa unlocked the door and flicked the light on. Kaiba and Jou were brawling on the floor, swearing at each other and Anzu and Malik were making out in the corner. His jaw dropped at the scene, seeing other people fighting and crying and screaming. _This was a bad idea..._

X

DIS: Yay! Not as good as I would have liked, but I think it went well, don't you? First Malik/Anzu I've done in awhile. Well, that's the end! Hope you enjoyed your fic, Chained and Torchered! Please review on your way out, everyone, and ciao.


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